Adoption FAQ

(note: see addendum question below)
Joel and I love and appreciate the excitement people share with and for us upon hearing the news that we have a baby boy on the horizon. It warms our hearts and makes us feel special even though we are growing our family in a non-traditional method, through adoption.

In general, most people know someone who has adopted or someone who has been adopted, but most people have not actually adopted a child themselves. So, when confronted with the unknown, a natural response is questions, lots of questions! While we absolutely LOVE the questions and interest regarding our road to adoption, we thought we’d post a few of the most asked questions (and our answers) just in case you were curious yourself.

Did you meet the birthmom? How old is she? Does she have other kids? What is she like? What is her situation? What does she look like?
These questions are ones we hear most often. Ironically, the answers to these questions are ones we have chosen to keep to ourselves. Why you ask? Well, all these details are really of no consequence to anyone except our eventual child. The answers to these questions will reveal ‘his’ awesome life story and we would hate anyone to ever innocently divulge something about his life before he knows and hears it from us first.

Oh, and yes, we’ve met the birthmom. She is an amazing and courageous woman - she chose us for crying out loud!! :)

Will you have an open adoption or closed adoption?
We will have a semi-open adoption. This means different things to different people, but in our case we will communicate with the birthmom on a pre-determined basis via our adoption agency. Most people don’t realize that this is simply a verbal agreement and one that is mutually agreed upon by the birthmom and adoptive family prior to the birth of the child.

How long did you wait this time?
The wait was about 8 months, but it felt a whole lot shorter. Could it be that we are already busy-busy with a non-stop 2 ½ year old?!

Will you take the baby home right away, after he's born?
Of course our desire would be to take the baby home immediately following the birth (like we were able to do with Emma), but each adoption is unique and surrounded by different circumstances. With that being said, we more than likely will not be taking the baby home directly from the hospital. Due to the Michigan county court system and their various (and sometimes long) wait times for court hearings, it is in our best interest to have the baby placed in host care (in Ottawa County) for approximately 3 weeks, or until the adoption hearing when the adoption is finalized. We will be able to visit him every single day!

Are you nervous or do you worry that the birthmom will change her mind?
No. In fact, we have chosen to not spend our time worrying about that since we are not in control of any of this. We have chosen to submit this entire situation to God and let him deal with it. That is not to say that we don’t ever think about that possibility, we do.

Legally, once the judge signs the papers approximately 3 weeks after the baby is born, it’s a done deal. Period.

Have you chosen a name yet?
We sure have, subject to change at anytime – it’s locked tight in the vault! There has to be some element of surprise :)

Addendum question - Why did the birthmom choose you?
When we first received the call, the birthmom's caseworker informed us that one reason she had chosen us was because we didn't smoke. Phew! I'm so glad I gave up that nasty private school habit about 5 years ago :) But, I also knew that couldn't be the only reason since plenty of couples don't smoke. So, when we met the birthmom, we asked. She told us that we looked like a couple of big kids who like to have fun and do stuff. I thought that was sweet and that is one expectation I am happy to oblige!!